Big Blow!

if you have read my previous blog posts you will know I suffer from mobility problems and constant pain, you may also have read about an implant I had found out about (blog post ‘Another New a year’ December 2014). This implant goes in your finger, it is the size of a grain of rice, and it blocks the pain nerve pathways to the brain to help improve chronic back and leg pain. It isn’t available in the UK yet as was just approved by the FDA for America in December. This, as you may imagine, was a godsend by the sounds of it, it would solve all my conditions but even if it took away some of the pain it would have been of benefit! So I took the article to my 3 specialists, who then took it to the trustees to research further and to arrange private funding for me to get it.

I went to see one of my specialists last week and asked her how it was proceeding, she replied that it would be a long process but they hadn’t said no yet which was a good sign. As I had an appointment the following week ( yesterday) with all 3 of my specialists in the same room for the first time, it was to be discussed then. So I was really looking forward to this appointment, my flicker of hope was increasing to nearly being a reality….but it wasn’t to be unfortunately.

The specialists told me that through the years of trials on this implant they found that it helped greatly if the pain emanates from the legs and goes into the back, but if the pain, like mine, starts from the back into the legs that the implant makes the back pain worse! So my glimmer of light was switched off and I am back to being told to learn to accept it as this is my life now, there is no cure and it will keep deteriorating I just have to learn how to deal with it! 

And yes I have tried pain management, acupuncture, hydrotherapy, reflexology, aromatherapy, reiki, meditation, physiotherapy the list goes on I have tried most  things to no avail and it’s soul destroying when you keep hearing ‘sorry,there is nothing I can do for you’

9 years and I still can’t accept it, a part of me feels that if I do eventually accept it that I would be giving in, which isn’t in my nature, but when you keep getting slapped down, is it worth getting up again to go through it all again? The disappointment, the deflation, the anger and resentment of the life I had planned out prior to this. I feel I have reached the point of no longer having any fight left in me, what’s the point?

If it weren’t for my dogs…….


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