Recently I have been getting more bad days than normal! I think it is the change in the weather but the last 2 weeks every day has been a bad day but today is a worse day. I am in agony, I haven’t even been getting my normal 2 hours sleep per night, last night was another of those nights I think I might have got 20 minutes! So the extra pain isn’t allowing me to sleep and the weather feels like the sky is pushing down on me. The lack of sleep will also be amplifying the pain so its a vicious circle that seems to spiral deeper each time.
At least my dogs can sleep so I listen to them snoring beside me and sometimes that can send me off otherwise I just lie there stroking them. Tess has a sore paw so I am having to move more 1. to stop her chewing it and 2. to clean and change the dressing. This is her first sore paw so she is feeling very sorry for herself and the way she is walking with a baby sock over the dressing, you would think she had broke her leg – such a drama queen! She is being very good when it comes to cleaning it and changing the dressing as she comes up on the couch / bed beside me and rolls onto her back and stays like that until I am finished, so at least I’m not having to chase her round the room and bend over, but even though she is helping greatly, the extra small movements take a lot of out of me and increase the pain in my back. My mood is also low as I am truly shattered, I don’t know how I am managing to function the little I can! I cannot concentrate and I feel sick. I have this brain fog that stops me being able to formulate thoughts and ideas in any sort of order, so please forgive the bad punctuation etc of this post!
The thought of eating turns my stomach and even if it didn’t I am in no fit state to cook/reheat anything with out putting myself at risk. Usually I used to cook once or twice a week (with a lot of help from my friend) When my back spasms or knees collapse there is no prior warning so that I can brace myself and hang on to something to stop me falling, this is why I say put myself at risk as I have lost count of the amount of times I have fallen in the kitchen and grabbed on to the nearest thing to hand which has been the cooker and 9/10 times it has been on (the reason I am in the kitchen in the first place) resulting in me burning my hands or singeing my hair! I don’t own a microwave as I don’t think they should be allowed and you can find out why on these webpages –
and this one from the FDA –
still says all the bad effects but that microwaves from cooking are safety tested but they don’t go into what it does to your food like the first web page does, but you can read them for yourself, rather than me going on about it in this post! The reason I mentioned microwaves is to show that I don’t have the equipment to quickly ‘zap’ my food hot and the reasons why as if microwaves were safe an didn’t affect the food then it would be far easier for me to use one than my oven, but when I am able to eat I want it to be as nutritious as it can be and taste nice, not all mushy the way veg goes in a microwave so that I am encouraged to eat more often, even through the pain if something is tasty enough!
On these worst days every single movement takes so much effort and causes so much extra pain, I am exhausted after doing the simplest of things, even taking a deep breathe can cause spasms in my back,. Clothes are another issue, as I have mentioned briefly in previous posts, I used to love looking good as it lifts your spirits and makes you feel good, but because of the movements of getting undressed and dressed cause so much pain and can result in spasms or falls even using aids like my sock aid to put my socks on without bending. The other issue with clothing is when I actually do get dressed, which isn’t that often, I have to be careful what I wear as anything with a waistband or bra straps cause pain in my back, even when sitting just because it is touching my back or legs. Recently I have re-discovered dresses due to this. I used to wear dresses when I went on a night out before my pain started but never wore them during the day. Now I have invested in some casual day dresses so it means I don’t have a waistband irritating my back. Which will hopefully in turn mean I can get dressed more often without the same amount of pain whilst wearing the clothes and I can just handle the waistbands of tights or some leggings so can wear these with the dress since the weather has became cold. Most days I don’t get dressed as it is too much effort so when taking the dogs a walk I put on a size 16 (I am am a size 10/12, so the waistband doesn’t touch my back) walking trousers and a baggy jumper over my pyjamas and my waterproof jacket, brush my hair and teeth and get on my mobility scooter so when I come back I just have to remove the walking clothes and am back in the comfort of my jammies!
I started writing this post yesterday but was too sore to continue and didn’t recover enough to go back to it until today. Last night I got my 2 hours sleep, so I am feeling a bit more human today so long may it last – fingers, legs and toes crossed1 I may even get dressed today!