and things I am sick of hearing myself say….
Even before I was disabled and people would say in passing you alright/ how you doing I knew then that they didn’t really want to know and the presumed response is yeah ok/ doing away etc but since my disability I hear the same questions over and over again all the while knowing that the person asking doesn’t always want to know the truth and that the question has become more of a salutation than a question. So here are a few others that grate on me (not always questions), and just to put in a disclaimer as well is I know some people who ask these questions do genuinely want a truthful response and want to listen but the majority couldn’t care less.
1. Relax – this really annoys me as what do you think I am doing? Jumping jacks around the room?!
2. You’ve got to be careful – well I try my best to be careful when I move around and I don’t fall on purpose!
3.How are you? – its the same answer on a different day, but you don’t really want to know so I end up lying and saying fine, what other response can I give that isn’t negative? Then there are the people that look at you with such expectancy that you feel your letting them down by not saying things are getting better!
4. Get some sleep – again I do try to sleep, I would love a full nights sleep, 3 hours would be good! I do try! I put on electric blanket, I drink bedtime tea, I turn technology off and read, but the thing is I don’t have a problem actually falling asleep after I get as comfortable as possible, it is the staying asleep as I get woken up with pain, so I don’t know how to overcome that
5. See the Doctor – Why, are they going to tell me something different after 8 1/2 years of seeing doctors regularly, they don’t all of a sudden possess a magic wand that will remove my pain, I sincerely wish they did!
6. Just ask me to help (I don’t hear this one very often) – but when it has been said i have a) already asked for help and b) made it pretty obvious that I am struggling especially when you already know my limitations! I’m not going to beg
7. Sorry I didn’t think you would be interested – I miss out on a number of invites that I am interested in attending but my body is not always able, but theres no harm in asking, don’t presume
8. Didn’t think you could cope – I know this comes from a caring viewpoint but I know my body best and things may take a bit longer to complete but they do get completed in my own time. I am the best judge of what I can cope with so don’t presume you know best, ask me like you would anyone else and if I say no then I say no but I might say yes, you don’t know unless you ask!
Things I am tired of hearing myself say
1. I fell
2. I’m sore
3. Sorry I have to cancel
4. I can’t reach that
5. Sorry I am unable to do that
6. I need help to….
7. Sorry – why should I have to apologise for something that is outwith my control?
Now I am not getting at anyone and I am not saying don’t ask, but only ask if you want to listen to the answer. I just feel since my back pain started that the majority of my conversations revolve around these questions/ my pain and quite frankly I am sick of discussing them. I know that I am lumping everyone together and that I shouldn’t as some of the people that ask these things are just trying to help, but for the others please don’t ask if you don’t want to hear the answer……however if you really do want to listen then feel free to ask